I’m Sorry that I Loved You

We didn’t know how sick we were

living on foundations of rotting wood

Lost children growing into the skin of adults

we kept up appearances with smiles fooling no one

A shadow hand lingers still on my cheek

and the darkness tastes like your ghost

We couldn’t see how twisted we had become

our love poisoned the water we drank

One day I lost the boy, and you lost the girl

and our hands pressed to our ears

They screamed the truth at us

but the harder we ran the deeper we crawled into our graves

With blackened finger nails and red raw cheeks

I carved into our headstone, ‘I’m sorry that I loved you.’

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Castles and Lovers

I found our memories yesterday

I didn’t understand then

But I know now and I can’t face them

You said you could tell I wasn’t there

But it wasn’t enough to stop you.

You promised to protect me from the world

They won’t like me, they won’t care

Yet the world doesn’t seem so bad now I’m here

If I think too much I find myself crying

You knew I wasn’t there

But it didn’t stop you.

Sat with my own thoughts too long and it comes back

I see you so I close my eyes

But it’s a memory not a photograph

Everlasting, branded in my mind

Ruined, ugly, stupid, I hear it

You knew I wasn’t there

But it didn’t stop you.

You laugh

I can’t forget that laugh

You smile

I’ll never not see that smile

You swore to be my light in the darkness

But you were the shadows

I was a match, sick without my flame

Put out between your callous fingers

You said you could tell I wasn’t there

But knowing that didn’t stop you.

And knowing that kills me

Now that I understand I don’t understand

My castle was a dungeon and my lover held the key

You wanted to rescue me from them

But they saved me from you.

You knew I wasn’t there,

You knew I wasn’t there.

What Happens on the Ground

‘Falling’, he said, ‘we’re falling’

What a thing to say

Where from? How far?

But a tight nod sufficed

in response over words

‘You must see it too’

Not really, or do I?

Were we ever not falling

To where, despair?

I did not know

Again a nod with a small frown

Uncertain but wanting to hear

what he had to say

This fall of ours, where to?

Was it a dream fall?

The feeling of weightlessness

or a nightmare fall?

Clarity of the ground beneath

knowing it’s only a matter of time

We were falling, had been

but now, I thought not

Maybe he’s lagging,

there’s a glitch in time

‘It’s only a matter of time,’ he said

Time before what

‘Before we hit the ground’

That doesn’t sound pleasant

I don’t like mud

perhaps it’ll be concrete

I don’t like pain either

maybe flowers

Nor bugs

Maybe it’ll just be with a toe

then we’ll bounce back

if there is a back

Something will be there

or we’ll be stuck on the ground

Together, apart, falling

What a thing to say

we’re falling

We can’t fall

I don’t know what happens on the ground.

The Hidden Ones

Behind smiles

a laugh

a quiet hello

they hide

 

Never too far

or too close

always there

they hide

 

Saying yes

standing strong

careful and calm

they hide

 

They never want to disappoint

saying yes, quietly smiling

but sometimes they need a hand to hold

to carry them from where they hide

 

*****

 

Just a quick little mind splatter for you there, long time I know, but I’m back – sort of. I hope you enjoyed it, and maybe even took something from it. See you after the next one.