Perfect Wreck

I was lost

as the living dead

all the pain I hid

I’d turned into myself

each day alone

the sickness grew

but I found you

you found me

 

You were you

a darling perfect wreck

I didn’t see it till

just as we kissed

your heart was broken

but I held you close

until it pieced together

making you whole

 

(Draft)

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Dear Kiki

Dear Kiki,

I made you a promise on the day that I first met you, and I repeated those words until the day I left. I promised that I would always love you, and that I would keep you safe. When you were older, I promised that one day we would leave together, but I left alone. The only promise that I haven’t broken is that I will always love you, and I wish I could break it, because it hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt to not see you everyday, to not know where you are, or how you are. I think of you everyday. I’m sorry that I stopped visiting. It wasn’t my choice.

When I left I was promised that I would have you back one day. I said that if the time ever came that the person I left you with could no longer care for you, that they tell me first, and I would do everything within my power to take you. Kiki, you were my first true love. You saw me cry, everyday, and although I know that when I left you won’t have understood, there’s a part of me that desperately hopes you heard me when I said goodbye, and that I loved you more than anything in this awful world.

Sometimes I’m sorry that I ever pushed to picked you up. I wish that I’d never known you, or your sisters, because that way I would be free from the sickness of worry that I carry around. Nothing can make it go away. No matter how good a day I have, you’re always there. I have no way of finding out where you are or how you are, and it makes me feel so out of control of my own life. I thought that leaving would save me, and it did, in so many ways, all save the part of me that was your mother. I spent years feeling worthless and when you came along I had a purpose, someone loved me for who I was, and it was beautiful. But even that wasn’t enough to fix what was broken beyond repair.

I guess I’m writing this in the hope that someone who knows something about how you are will see it, and there will be a part of them that still loves me the way I still love them, and they will let me know that you’re okay. I know that it’s hard, I know that it hurts, and I know that you it must be so confusing, but it had to be this way. I stayed for as long as I could, you know that, I said it often enough. We are who we are, and we love who we love, but I couldn’t keep trying to make something so wrong right. I deserved more than that, and I like to think that if you could, you would understand that and agree.

I’m okay, I’m hurting, but I’m okay. I miss you, Kiki. I love you, and I always will. I have a partner who loves me more than anything in this world, and it feels so wonderful. I have Foxy now too, he needed someone, just like you did. He’s an old grumpy man, but I know that he’d love you just as I do. Maybe one day you’ll meet them, and we can be a family again. That’s what I dream about, and I wish you knew that.

All my love, forever and always,

Mum

Pet Portraits & Commissions!

Hello! I’m posting today to let you know about my new (old) Etsy store, which is now open for purchasing pet portraits for a measly tenner (£10)!

As always you can contact me via email (foolishslob@gmail.com) or direct message (Instagram) for commissions and I will accept payment through PayPal, for more info on commissions check out my new commissions page. All of my Inktober drawings are for sale, offers are welcome on all.

Please share this far and wide, it will be much appreciated by me and Foxy! I look forward to working with you to create something beautiful for you or a loved one.

Thanks for stopping by. See you around.

Beth

Artist Interview Introducing Squiggles

Today I’m bringing you something different and introducing someone incredibly talented. Here is my interview with the wonderful artist behind Squiggles!

Squiggles

Q1. When did you start Squiggles?

I started Squiggles whilst I was at uni, but under another name! One day I had an epiphany and decided to name myself Squiggles. I always wanted to appear under a character because I really don’t like my real name and I wanted to keep a bit of mystery to myself and my work.

Q2. Where did the inspiration for your current style come from/ what inspires you to draw?

I take inspiration from various places, depending on my mood, what the weather is like, how social I’m being etc. Nature inspires me a lot, there’s so many natural curves in nature and I do become hypnotised by its beauty sometimes. I have always had a fascination with water, swimming was a big part of my life as a child and I’ve always loved being immersed in it.

Other things would be my childhood, growing up I watched A LOT of cartoons, I remember watching them and always wishing I was as beautiful or as cool as the characters on T.V, almost pretending I was them. I always loved the mermaids in Peter Pan the most, they were so sassy and beautiful but utter bitches. I feel like that sums up my style; cute and sweet, but also a bit sarcastic and bitter. I like to create characters that encapsulate peoples’ inner beauty and show off what is really great about them. I love to draw swirling lines because its calming, they remind me of the ocean. Depression is a big motivator for me. Whenever I am too stressed or unable to vocalise how I am feeling, Squiggles speaks instead.

I like to try and take the negative emotions I am feeling and make fun of them. Point out that everyone feels like that sometimes and most people survive. When I am happy, my drawings show that too, I’ve noticed sometimes I’ve forgotten to put tears on the faces, which is one of my trademark styles. When I’m very sad I think you can feel that through my colour palette and I will definitely pick more dark colours.

 

Q3. When did you find your current style/how long were you drawing before you settled on the Squiggle’s unique style?

Whilst I was at uni I decided I wanted to stop ‘following the rules’ of what art was, and  instead focus more on what came out naturally. No more barriers just free flowing expression, like a child. I took a lot of inspiration from Jean Micheal Basquiat as well as the outsider art brut movement. I loved his use of colours and bold lines, his symbolism and eyes everywhere. It reminded me of when I visited an abandoned asylum and saw drawings all over the walls and crazy writing almost like whispers of ghosts.

Q4. What are your favourite mediums/what do you use to create your art?

These days I create all my work digitally through my iPad pro and the procreate app, but I do enjoy just drawing with biros and watercolour/gouache. I’m just a very messy person and it saves the clean up!

Q5. What messages do you hope people take from your work directed at veganism?

I haven’t made too many pieces that smack you in the face with veganism just as yet, so I hope they just question the word and have a quick google and maybe learn something! But in the future I hope to produce infographics teaching people of the atrocities that the meat and dairy industries bring, and more merch to leave in restaurants etc providing info on how to change!

Q6. What messages do you hope people take from your work directed at mental health?

Most of the time I find it difficult to speak of my struggles, not many people know in real life the issues I go through day to day, and whenever I try to vocalise anything I tiptoe around it in fear of what people might think. I hope they just see that anyone can be successful and achieve their dreams, that everyone is going through something and people should be more mindful.

Q7. What is next for Squiggles?

I’ve just updated my store to include portrait commissions! Let me transform you, your loved ones, and your pets into a squiggles character! And I’ll be adding some new items before Christmas too!

Check out Squiggles Instagram or Facebook for more of her amazing art work, and head to the new Squiggle’s website to stock up on amazing prints and stickers, the perfect Christmas gifts!

Inktober Days 25, 26, 27, & 31

The final few days of Inktober I moved away from the prompts and decided to take the images in my own direction. Enjoy! As always, all of my Inktober drawings are available to purchase, if you’re interested in any of them or in commissioning a drawing from me please check out how to get in touch here.

Stick and Poke Flower

Hello my beautiful reader, I do hope you’re having a lovely day. Over the past month I have been bombarding my site with Inktober pieces, but I have something different for you for a brief change. A couple of days ago I designed a cute little flower stick and poke ignorant style tattoo, similar to a couple I have done in the past. I had the pleasure of tattooing it onto my wonderful fiancé’s head, and I am super happy with how it turned out. Let me know what you think, and if you would like a tattoo designed get in touch over on my Instagram, or check out my commissions page for more info!

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